Yesterday I gave you a solution and reason to let go of your need to be right. In short, they were a little hidden between the "you'll lose your friends" and "you want to step out of your ego and into your heart so you're not such an insufferable jerk." Something like that.
The premise of change is attitudinal as much as it is behavioral. For example, when Victor Frankel, author of "Man's Search For Meaning," decided that he would be happy regardless of the conditions of his life in a Nazi concentration camp, he wasn't worried about what he had to do in order to maintain this process; instead, he shifted his focus to all that was within his heart, and how no matter the challenge, his spirit would maintain it's light.
In our lives we do things to maintain contact with the love our hearts: We express gratitude frequently, out loud and under our breath. We stop talking,start listening, and feel that warmth within our spirit. We know what it is to actually "feel good" emotionally and we look for that feeling as a jumping off point in any part of our day.
We have challenges. I just wrote down three examples and deleted them because you have your own, and I know your judgement about democrats or republicans or Mets fans or transgender people or your second grade teacher or your boss or your Mom is yours to hold on our own terms. Your judgements are yours.
That's a shame.
Judgement gives us the mistaken impression that, if we follow them consistently, we will be kept emotionally guarded and spiritually connected. The writer Anne Lamott said, “You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”
Judgement, in its most severe form, is clinically pathological and requires twenty four hour care.
Here's how you shift that: Universally, be accepting of others, see the light in them, and pull a Frankel: no matter the challenge, maintain the goodness and light in your spirit.
The word "Namaste" helps. It means, "The light within me sees the light within you."
Repeat it frequently.
We must see the light within one another, no matter what or whom they are, in order to survive our egos and begin the path of a gentler life.
My life depends on it. In order to change my relationships with my wife, retrieve and improve the relationships with my children, reclaim and reestablish trust among my friends and be a better counselor to my clients, my life depends on it.
Yours does too, but for different reasons.
I hope you find what they are.