HeartNote, August 6, 2019: Staying Out of Your Head, part 1

This set of essays is to help you know what to do with your thoughts. It's called, "Staying out of your Head."

Here's what is a pretty normal headspace sounds like:

"The stupid alarm clock. Great, it's going to rain. I only have one pair of underwear left, gotta do my laundry, where's my coffee, man this cream smells old, this coffee is really weak, I gotta get moving, I hope I don't run into the boss today, is my makeup straight, did I turn off the coffee maker, where are my keys, I need more hairspray, did I get gas, man my back hurts, there's the laptop, now I thought I had the keys in the bathroom...."

Being "in your head" is generally broken down into three areas: interpretations of immediate circumstances and feelings, interpretation of other people's feelings, other situations and conditions, and our reactions and projected outcomes of both.

The wonderful meditation teacher Joseph Goldsmith, of whom I will speak more about in tomorrow's essay, describes this not having "discernment of thought." I'll help you with that process. But let me show you what "being in your head" means.

I've got a few examples, but I'll start with this one. When I started my private practice years ago, I listened to AA speaker tapes. I saw a great deal of recovering alcoholics and I found that these tapes can help anyone establish an honest, reliable and consistent emotional foundation. This is a story that is from a man named Clancy, a famous AA speaker across the country, and it illustrates just what "being in your head" can mean.

"Many years ago, I had been divorced, sober for about three years, and I was invited to a party. I had been dating but I was pretty half hearted about the process. The friend that invited me told said that he worked with a woman who was from Venezuela, had two grown boys, had been with his firm for twenty years and now manages all the international commerce. She's single, and from his business relationship with her, he discovered that she and I had a lot of similar interests. He told me the party started at 7, but she said she'd come over early to help set things up and asked if I could come early and help a little." Clancy then said, "And my first thought was, "I don't want to move to Venezuela!"

That's a great example of what "being in your head" means.

I'll explain more tomorrow.

As always, book a session if you feel the need at acoachforyourheart.com


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