Heartnote, January 29th, 2019: One defining condition of Friendship

Friendship is a fluid construct of love and understanding between two people, with heavy emphasis on the "understanding" part of the relationship.

You've developed an acceptance of a person's foibles and idiosyncratic behaviors. You have memories, laughter, shared interests, and enough emotional miles invested that you understand the other person's moods. You see through their distance, anger and periods of silence and yet remain connected.

But there is one variable that is absolutely required if a friendship is to maintain its strength and longevity. It is frequently overlooked, even minimized in these years of texts, emails, longer hours and lost sleep.

You have to show up.

This is done in only two ways: Your voice and your presence. You have to be heard, and you have to be seen.

We have lives. It often isn't feasible when we're married, a parent, working long hours, even working two jobs. Our time is compacted and committed to our obligations.

But one phone call on a weekend, an evening, or even while you're in your car can sustain a friendship. One cup of coffee a month dusts the dates off the calendar and brings your love to the present moment.

Our histories with our friends keeps us together. Our interest keeps our friendships alive. But our consistency in our calls and visits keeps the energy sustained. Add one more story, a few more laughs, and another chapter added to your book of your lives together.

Make the call. Make the date. And keep showing up.


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