HeartNote, July 22, 2019: "Staying Out of your Head"

If you've ever felt repeatedly diminished, defeated, devalued or minimized; if you've ever been constantly put down, taken advantage of, ignored, or ridiculed; if you've ever been verbally bullied, isolated or purposefully left out, you may tend to or you may have been told that you "live in your head."

This week, the essays are for you.

Being in your head is often often a condition of two cognitive states:

Perseveration: Churning through fear-based thoughts. Quickly moving from one "what if" to another. Anxiety is your base. Fear is the flame.

Cogitation: Perseveration on a deeper level. You hold it in your bones. Fear is now at 350 degrees, and you're baking the self-doubt into your consciousness.

Those who have been told that they've lived "in their head" tend be told the following: They're hyper, they talk too much, they think of themselves all the time; they're moody, impulsive, angry, anxious and depressed. Not because these states are clinically assigned, but rather because a person that stays "in their head" never quite rests in the moment.

Instead, a common highlight of a person that lives "in their head" is insecurity. Self-doubt keeps you wondering if you're ok, if it's going to be ok, and what the hell were you thinking five minutes ago when you're sure that your efforts/speech/feelings/circumstances weren't ok? That critical voice is the engine behind your emotional train of thoughts. We are absent of confidence; we try to be like others, pleasing them in hopes of support for who we think we are and who we want us to see us as being.

The key to leaving your head is threefold: First, you need to stay in the moment, and throughout this week I'll again be letting you know how that's done.

Secondly, you want to have a sit down with your body. Focusing on your body keeps you out of your head. It sounds almost too simplistic, but I'll accompany this tenet with examples.

Lastly, when you're experiencing any of the aforementioned states, share ourselves with others by recognizing the light within you. This takes practice, but to start by offering assistance to another person. Help somebody else get out of their head. Let them know it's OK and things are going to be fine. Remember, insecurity and a critically low sense of self assurance exists in those who can't make sense of the world. Share your light with others. It will help you find the light within you. It's there, and I'll show you again and again how to keep that light lit.

You've got this, all you over-thinkers and self doubters. We'll walk through this together this week.


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