The "why" of this 100 day Festival of Wonderment has a need for further clarity. I've already gotten some feedback about yesterday's essay. Things like "looking into the mirror and saying I love myself? The 70's wants their mantra back" was one that was pretty clever.
But one email said, "I just don't know why I'm doing this." Completely understand. Therefore, I thought it timely to give you continued explanation, if not a clear reason, for pursuing this path even if it includes more mirror gazing than you're used to.
When I decided to begin on this journey, my nose was against an emotional brick wall. The path I'd been on ceased to exist. Therefore, it was critical that I decide to take another course of action.
Fear got my face off the wall. My most corrosive nemesis, and my strongest motivator. And although the intensity of the fear has dialed itself down, I'm walking on eggshells, being hyper-aware of my behavior to be a great partner, husband, and friend to those who have taken a few emotional steps away. I want to be all of those things again.
Which is the absolutely wrong reason to pursue this course of action.n Completely. Wrong Reason.
Motivation? Yep. Reason? Not even close.
The right reason to make any kind of change is to be a better person, to achieve your ideals of what "better" is. The emotional alarm of the domestic fire got my attention.
My job is not to keep the alarm from ringing; it's to put out the fire.
And the fire is within me.
If I'm still walking on eggshells, I have not gotten to the point of accepting my level of consistent calm and ease AND being able to immediately return to that ease when I get upset. And that's the goal. Attaining and sustaining being a happy, content, and even- tempered person FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.
That's why I commit to meditation and the Stosny Core Value practice and going back to my breathing and looking into the mirror and deciding and re-deciding and deciding again and doing Yoga and looking people square in the eyes with compassion. Daily. Hourly. Every minute. And then some.
The reason is that I have come to the crossroads of being a calmer, gentler, easy going, non-judgemental, accepting and compassionate person, free of anger and resentment is to put out the fire, not silence the alarm.
That is the "inside job" that people keep talking about: committing to being better for yourself, not for somebody else.
Will my wife feel the change in me? Hope so. Will my children, grandchildren, friends, colleagues and clients notice? They should. But there's only one prevailing and primary reason how you'll gauge your progress, growth, and change. There's only one reason that you'll discover how well the meditation, anger management, self acceptance, self love, spiritual growth, forgiveness, acceptance, peace, calm, humor, grace, and ease are developing.
Because you'll feel the difference. You'll feel you shedding your skin. And you'll know that the person you're looking at in the mirror has finally come forth, smiling back at your beautiful face for the first time in...well, maybe ever.
That's the right reason.
That's the only reason.
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P.S. Thanks, Margie!