Love and “Why did I cry when my ex-husband died?”


I got an email on the website.


It read, “I have been divorced for nearly ten years. It was a nasty divorce and I was glad to be rid of the guy. He probably felt the same about me.”


“A month ago I found out that he died in an automobile accident. I cried for a week. I still find myself crying when I think about him.”


“I hated him for what he became, and how he treated me and the kids. Please tell me why I’m crying.”


“Is it possible that I still love him?”


Oy.


So, being this “Coach for Your Heart” guy, and I have to answer this with some intelligence.

I went right to Google.


Would you like to know how many quote there are about Love on Google? Enough that I stopped looking after the fourth pages of “Quotes of Love and Permanence.” None of them hit the mark with this woman’s question.


I called some folks that had been divorced for a few years, told them about the woman’s problem and asked the following question: “If your ex died, would have the same feelings this woman had?”


Here are the list of responses:


“No.” 

“Seriously?”

“Depends. If he was driving my car, then hell, yes, I’d be sad. Do you know how much I paid for that car?”


After a few days of struggling with this, I opened the computer and began to write her back.

Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.


And as I picked up my coffee cup-My Mr. Rogers’ Coffee Cup-I saw a quote that answered the question.


Here’s what I wrote back: “Personally, I never think you can stop loving anyone. There is a part of love that is very much permanent, the kind of love we have for places we’ve visited, books we’ve read, movies we’ve seen, and experiences we’ve registered in the depths of our hearts.”


“If you’ve ever had a pet you’ve loved, it’s hard not to have very strong feelings when you remember the times you’ve experienced. You’ll have both happiness at their presence and sadness at their loss.”


“Then think of the love you have for your children. I don’t think one can every stop loving a child. As they grow older you may become distant, even angry. But if your child became sick, you’d suspend the resentments and draw on the love in your heart to be by their side. Our children can do a great deal to annoy us, but at the end of the day they are still our child and we still love them, and always will.”


“Loving a spouse comes from this place. The times of love you shared with him have depth that is may only be equalled by that of your very best friend. Your memories of closeness and love rival the strongest you’ve ever had.”


“It seems, by your reaction, that the anger and hurt within you has subsided. And when you heard about the news of his loss, the presence of love was all that was left within your heart.”


“You couldn’t retrieve the anger fast enough to shield you. All you had left was Love.”

“This is why you cried.”


“I read a quote that may clear this up for you. It comes from that wonderful man, Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. He said this:


“Infinity just is. And that’s they way I think love is, too.”


“May you remember the good that you shared. And may time and the presence of your Love help heal your spirit.”

"TO LIVE FOR YOUR PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS AND PERSONAL SUCCESS" 

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